Jesus is a Momma's Boy

     Yesterday I had a short but great conversation with, probably the friend that understands me the most, considering we, most of the time, agree on certain subjects, Jeremy. For some reason the subject of Jesus and religion came to mind and we had a short laugh about the whole deal. Don’t get me wrong I’m one to defend religion and the positive things it can hold in life, but sometimes it just sends you spiraling into misery. We talked and came to certain conclusions, and like most teens we brought down Jesus and God to our reality and to our own convince of “real” life. Jesus is a tadytell.
     Its funny growing up in a very catholic family where God was everything and the answer to all of the questions in life, all knowing, all powerful, all seeing, and all merciful. Stephen Colbert by my view. As I child God was a view of my friend, there to help and get me by the bad times, listening to my prayers and helping guide myself through the difficulties of life. It was a great time to know God, but suddenly my penis started working and I grew hair in certain places and girls were now interesting and exciting, then God changed. She (yes God is a woman) no longer showed me how to be happy but instead set rules that I could not break and if I did hell would break loose (literally). The worst part was that these rules seemed like California laws, set up to make you fail, all your body, and mind, and emotions went totally against the laws she brought down, tiring to keep you in her grasp.
     Jesus, don’t let me get started and that guy, or more like that butt hole perfect older brother! As a child he was cool, looking after you and always having your back with God, giving you slack and being chill, inviting you to a party every once in a while (that didn’t last long). Then suddenly you’re at that defining age and he turns into the butt hole brother, going up to mom telling about your “sins” and showing off how he never did what you did. Thanks Jesus for putting such a high bar for us, now we all look like looser and total sinners, maybe if you fucked up once a while we would'nt seem so bad. I know that if I was ever permitted in heaven he would be there asking, “So how you do?” knowing that I fucked up plenty of times and waiting to rub it in. Jesus is such a momma’s boy, being perfect, obeying all her rules, and thinking only of others (yeah right) and never in himself. You know he must have yanked his monkey at least five times a day, considering three times is regular to me.
     Now as an adult and considering my thoughts and my will in God, life, and happiness I can say that I have gotten over trying to beat Jesus and given up tiring to be that good kid for God. She might have given me life and pretty much everything but I don’t think she really cares anymore. We now are able to coexist together, I do my thing she does her thing and we acknowledge each other, hold a conversation here and there, and then secretly laugh at Jesus and how much of a kiss ass he is (but make sure he doesn’t know about it so we don’t hurt his feelings). I think Jeremy summed up God in my teens in his interpretation of God, “I gave you free will and this is how you waist it?!”